so that wasnt chicken after all
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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