either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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