areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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