I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
