One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
