I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
