the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
