Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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