Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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