I didn't shave. On purpose
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
