my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
