never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize