I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
