yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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