Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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