Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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