He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
high people should be assigned attendants
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
