i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
