Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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