In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my shit smells like andre
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
