He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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