it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
