he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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