Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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