I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
