More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
