Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
