i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
