Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize