Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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