He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
