Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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