remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
