I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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