9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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