this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize