happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
