yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
