he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
