You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
