I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
