He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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