so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
