i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
