What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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