Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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