I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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