Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
