is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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