I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
