can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
