If that was your dad, he is hot
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
