i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
