Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
