smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
