on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
