She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
