The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
