my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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