Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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