There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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