Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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