were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
