I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
