I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
