Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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