I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
