Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate

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(813): View more from Florida

obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?

(859): View more from Kentucky

i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(409): View more from Texas

i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.

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(515): View more from Iowa

Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.

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(440): View more from Ohio

You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.

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(520): View more from Arizona

We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.

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