I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.