I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.