i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.