Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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