At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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